1. Instead of working on any solutions all you do is revisit the problems - over and over and over and...
2. You are quoting Scripture AT each other to prove each other is wrong instead of using it as your guide.
3. When a problem arises, your first thought towards them is suspicion instead of trust. ("He is out to get me. That proves she doesn't love me. If they cared, they wouldn't have done that.")
4. You aren't proactively planning your future (date nights, family time, vacations, goals, etc.) because you're still stuck and fuming mad in your past hurt.
5. EVERYTHING turns into a fight and is something to argue about. Arguing only stops when food is in your mouth blocking your vocal cords and you are unconscious because of sleep - and then you argue about the food and how their actions kept you from enough sleep.
6. You aren't thinking about how you can serve them - you're thinking about what they did wrong. You are literally consumed with negative thoughts towards your spouse which leads to anger, bitterness, revenge, wrath, etc.
7. You are running scenarios in your mind about what you would do if you separate - where you'd live, what you'd take with you, how much you have to save up to separate, etc.
8. You are happy and mad all at the same time when they have to work late. Happy so you don't have to deal with them but mad because they "never spend time with you anymore."
9. You use the kids against your spouse. "YOUR son did that. MY daughter said you said this. Your daddy is a ______. I'll take the kids and leave you if you don't..."
10. You pretend everything is perfect in front of others (i.e. at church, work). You argue about the same sad things on the way to church but when the minivan door opens you put on your righteous robe and pass out holy handshakes and gracious greetings to everyone while you stonewall your spouse.
Bonus: Everything your spouse does gets on your nerves and fuels your thoughts (and eventually actions) for separation. That's because you are right 100% of the time and they are 100% wrong - but every now and then you half-heartedly admit you may have an issue but quickly pass the buck and list how much worse they are than you are.