Thursday, March 22, 2012

7 Steps To Destroying Your Marriage

No one wants to destroy their marriage? Right? You can unknowingly do several hurtful things to each other that in time will damage if not destroy your marriage. Here are seven ways that always lead to damage and destruction in marriage.

1. Stop Communicating
When you would rather talk about your spouse than to them you are in trouble. Using the “silent treatment” approach to diffuse the situation never works. Kids do this all the time. Refusing communication is like refusing food and water. Eventually, it will kill your marriage. Break the wall of hostility now. Go to your spouse with a repentant, forgiving attitude and open the lifeline of communication again.

2. Stop Listening
This is like playing “na-na-na-na-boo-boo” with fingers in your ears. Again, kids do it. Cutting them off in mid-sentence, walking away, leaving the house, talking louder than them, immediately correcting them, trying to prove your point more – all detrimental ways of not listening. It’s time to pull the fingers out of your ears and the scales off your heart and listen to your sweetheart again.

3. Assume The Worst
Jumping to conclusions is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. When a bad thought or word comes, carrying it to the extreme illogical conclusion never helps your marriage. Sit with your spouse and ask them patiently and lovingly for an explanation and clarification. You must do this with an understanding and forgiving attitude. What ever happened to believing the best about someone, especially your spouse?

4. Win The Argument
You may be right but you can be dead right. If pride keeps you from saying you are wrong about something then you are in sin. Pride usually makes you bring up tons of accusations and past situations that have nothing to do with the present argument. Why? So you can have bigger and better ammunition to maim and torture your spouse. When winning at all costs becomes the goal you will hurt and deeply wound a loved one. Practice speaking words of edification and praise to your spouse. Forget the past and don’t use it against them.

5. Spouses Are Enemies, Not Friends
Remember, you are supposed to be on the same team. Taking sides, digging trenches, and hurling insults is not friendly. Stop competing with and start completing one another. It is time to let God sign a peace treaty on your hearts so you can be one again.

6. Focus On Shortcomings And Failures
Only talking bad about your spouse’s failures and how they are not meeting your needs is selfish and wrong. Marriage isn’t give and take, it is give and give. Your goal should be to step up and serve them where they fall short. Everyone has shortcomings and has failed. Before you bring up your spouse’s weaknesses, take a look at yourself and see what you could do to improve your marriage. Remember that you both are not flawless and perfect. Only Jesus is and you need Him to wash away your sins and give you a fresh start.

7. No Fun
You have to build memories together – the kind you take pictures of and place around the house. Also, have mutual friends. If you only have a different set of friends from each other it can be damaging. You must also have date nights. Take time to have family fun. Leave the cell phones off during time together. You can Tweet and post on Facebook anytime. Talk about each other, not just the kids or other people. Be creative and think of new things to do together.

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