You will never be fulfilled with sex outside of marriage. What most people are looking for in sex is love. Still others are only looking for lust. Our culture will lie to you about what love really is and how you obtain it. Don’t think culture lies? Remember bellbottoms and parachute pants? What about fanny packs and leisure suits? Culture lied to us and said they were stylish. Kidding aside, if we look to culture or television to find real love, we will be disappointed. The pseudo love that dominates the airwaves and mainstream media will leave you unfulfilled and full of regret.
There is a hole in your heart that neither you nor any other person will be able to fill. John 4 tells about a woman who had a myriad of relationships-gone-bad. She already had five failed marriages and was living with a guy. What she needed, and Jesus gave it to her, was “living water.” Moving in together, premarital sex, relationship hopping, and the world’s way of dating will not fulfill you. Neither will a marriage apart from Christ. Only a relationship with Jesus will sustain and enrich your life and allow you to have fruitful relationships. If you have had one bad relationship after another then what you need is the Lord first and foremost. He will never leave you nor turn His back on you.
If you are single, don’t be obsessed with trying to find the right person. Sometimes people settle for whoever comes along just so they won’t be lonely. Doing so may compromise discovering God’s best. God will bring the right person to you at the right time. He took the initiative to bring Eve to Adam to complete Him (Genesis 2). Start seeking the Lord’s righteousness and Kingdom first and then He will give you the desires of your heart (Matthew 6:33).
What do you need in a mate? First is inner beauty. That only comes through a surrendered life to Christ. For the Christian, you should look for someone who is already serving the Lord and faithful to His church. A woman or man whom God is changing is a magnetic and beautiful thing. Get your eyes off outward beauty. The more media influences you the more unsatisfied you will be with your body and that of your mate. Why? Spend more time in prayer and in the Bible than you do working out or looking in a mirror. Beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).
Don’t rush your relationship. Love that is genuine will last. In Genesis 29:20 Jacob worked for Rachel’s father seven years before he could marry her. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that love is patient. “Agape” is the unconditional, sacrificial, covenantal love that doesn’t seek its own or desire anything in return. “Eros” (where we get the word erotic) is merely physical attraction where you want something from someone. “Phileo” is friend and family love but also desires something in return. You must base your relationship, especially marriage, on agape. Sex is a good thing. God created it, but for His context. That is where it brings blessing and fulfillment.
God has the master plan for your life. Look to Him for it and don’t rush. Rushing anything usually leads to pain and destruction. Live a life fully devoted to Him and He will direct your path. Let Him fill that emptiness in your heart. Afterwards, everything He adds to it will bring a blessing.