Christian Parenting 101

As a parent, parenting can be unapparent.  Did that make sense?  Well, that’s parenting sometimes.  Trying to figure out the how to’s of parenting can be confusing and frustrating.  As a Christian parent, I have more goals than just producing well educated, drug-free, activity driven kids. While these are important, there is so much more to parenting than giving my kids happiness and basic instructions before leaving home.  I want to prepare my kids for life but more importantly, life in Christ.

Luke 2:52 says Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and men.  I want to shape these four areas of my kids’ lives as well.  Wisdom means helping to guard and shape their mind.  I want them to have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) and a Biblical world view.  I want them to grow in stature. This isn’t talking about their physical height but their moral character.  Their actions should be formed by the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).  Favor with God means He molds them and shows them their purpose in Him.  Favor with man means through their relationship with God, their personality grows and influences their relationships with people.

I also desire to give my kids the right platform for launching their lives.  I pray four things for them every day: (1) that they would give their lives to Jesus; (2) that they would be called into full time ministry, (3) that they would marry Spirit-filled, born-again, ministry minded spouses, and (4) that they would raise children to do the same.  In order to do this my wife and I have to model this.  One of my favorite verses is Malachi 4:6.  I pray it all the time for my kids.  “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.”  Our hearts have to be one with the Lord as parents before we can instill the heart of the Lord in our kids.

There are many dangers I want to protect my kids from.  I am not naïve enough to think I can shield them from every harmful influence in life.  But I can give them the right foundation to make the right decisions when faced with trouble, temptation, or trials.  Change will come in their life.  How do they see me deal with change?  What does the Bible have to say about it?  Failure will happen (either to them or by them).  How do they remain who they are in Christ beyond the bad grade or let down from a friend?  Rejection is evident – even Jesus was rejected.  Showing them how He overcame will help them overcome and be confident in Christ’s love for them.  He never leaves them (Hebrews 13:5) and loves them unconditionally (Romans 5:8).

My wife and I want to point our kids towards the ways of God but the only way to do this is found in Joshua 24:15:  Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”  We can’t drop our kids off at church and expect this to happen.  We have to steer their lives toward Christ as they see us make daily choices to follow Jesus.  The greatest way we can honor our kids is to love them like Jesus does, show them Jesus’ ways of living, and pray for them daily.  Who cares if I leave them great wealth, provide a good education for them and keep them busy in great activities if I never show them Jesus?

25 Things You Should Keep Saying To Your Kids

Having kids can be fun, joyful, scary, and downright unpredictable at times. Parents have a huge responsibility to be good stewards of the kids God has entrusted them with. I really want to be a good dad. In order to do that I know I must carry on meaningful conversations with my kids. I saw a statistic once that most parents only spend 10-15 seconds of meaningful conversations with their kids daily. Yes, seconds! This statistic excludes any statements like, “pick up your room, stop doing that, etc.”

We don’t need a degree in parenting to talk to our kids. You especially don’t need a seminary degree to talk to them about the things of the Lord either. Parents must be themselves and share with their kids out of their relationship with the Lord and live life with, not separate from, their kids. Being real is what relationship is all about! Sunday morning isn’t the only time you can talk to your kids about the Lord. Deuteronomy 6 tells us the four most influential times of everyday to talk to our kids about the Lord and life. “And these words that I command to you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Bedtime, morning time, travel time, and house time. These are times that all of our minds are more idle and contemplative and are very crucial times to building relationships. Parents, you should plan to speak great things into your kids during mealtimes, sit around the house times, bedtime and getting ready for the day times.

Conversations truly develop as you go about doing life with your kids. Every moment in life is a teaching moment and an opportunity to invest into your kid’s life. They need to see you spending time reading your Bible, serving someone, and being involved in your faith, but what about reading the Bible to them or taking them with you to serve? Those are great times to disciple and build relationships. There will be many opportunities to teach them a lesson about the Lord. How they see you respond to crazy traffic, hectic schedules, and even cooking dinner will impact them greatly. Your actions speak a lot about you and your faith in the Lord. Maybe they speak more than words?

So what should you be saying to your kids? You must realize the importance of starting conversations with your kids. Why wait till they speak to you or ask you questions? I came up with twenty five statements all parents, no matter the age of your kids, must keep on saying out loud to their kids.

Here we go in no particular order: I love you. I forgive you. Will you forgive me? I’m sorry. You are valuable. Of course I’ll play with you. I’m proud of you. Jesus loves you. I’m never too busy. I love you enough to discipline you. Let’s go to church together. It's OK, everyone messes up. Do what honors God. Can I pray with you? Respect others. Let’s go have some fun. Love others more than yourself. You are beautiful. No matter how much you mess up, I’ll always love you. I mess up. I’ll never leave you. Serve others. You are good at ______. Yes, I’ll be there. Respect others, especially those in authority. How was your day? OK, that’s more than twenty five, but I could go on and on about this. But you and I both need to go and say these, and more, to our kids.

I Am Daddy

I love being a dad.  I'm glad God gave me girls.  They are a blast!  They love seeing daddy come home and are still at the age where they run up to me and hug me when I come in the house.  They let me toss them in the air and use them as my free weights to do "daddy-workout". 

I am learning something - I only get one shot at this time in their life.  They are growing up too fast!  I have to admit, I still get a little weepy when I hear songs like "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman or "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker (yes, I listed a "secular" artist - Heaven forbid I list "She Thinks We're Just Fishin'" by Trace Adkins - LOL).  Seriously, this era of my life is passing fast.  One day they will be grown, married, and out of my house (not till age 30 though). 

The past couple of weeks have been a counseling marathon for me.  Last week's phrase was, "you aren't sorry.  You're sorry you got caught."  This week's phrase was, "stop acting like a jerk".  I replaced "jerk" with "punk" one day.  Why?  These dad's are missing it!  I don't know how many dads I've begged to get right and not leave.  I've lost count of how many husbands who I've pleaded with over and over to step up and be a man of God and love their wife and kids. 

I don't want to look back with regret.  God is full of grace.  My wife and kids don't have to worry about if I'm coming home or not.  They don't have to worry about if we are going to have supper together most every night.  I'm going to lead them to the Lord, not away from Him.  When I look back in life I don't want to have regrets in the time I've spent with my family or how I've done it.

I've got a lot of aspirations in life.  Some I've completed, but others are still in front of me.  I want to write books, lead and plant churches, reach thousands of people for Christ and many other noble tasks.  Right now is a pretty busy time in my life for several reasons.  I'm meeting with about 25 different people for counseling right now.  I have five weddings in two months.  I'm leading our 10,000 sq ft. building project at church.  I want to be great at them all - but most important to me is being dad and husband.  Why?  Isn't the church more important?  If I don't take care of my bride, how can I take care of His?  If I don't love and lead my family, How can I love and lead Family Church?  What a poor testimony of someone who is a great pastor but a terrible husband and father!

I am Stevie to my wife.  I am daddy to my kids.  Everyone else knows me as Stephen or Pastor but only they get Stevie and daddy.  This week is CRAZY on the construction end at church.  Ceilings, flooring, masonry, electrical, concrete, painting, kitchen installation, you name it has been scheduled.  I've organized, coordinated, prepped, and planned as best as possible.  The tug-of-war yesterday was this:  I'm scheduled to be off a few days with my family next week but feel the pressure of what may happen and who may need me next week.  My conclusion:  I've done all I can to prep for next week.  I know all our contractors by name and I enjoy seeing them at the job site.  But those girls mean more.  I realized this - the job site will function without me because I've prepared it well.  My family won't and no excuse in the world, no matter how "important" I make it to my girls, will suffice. 

Jesus told the disciples in John 14 that they had seen the Father.  Phillip longed to see the Father and said, "Show us the Father and that will be enough."  In other words, "I long for a Father so much that one glimpse of the real thing will fulfill my deepest desire."  Jesus told them they see the Father through Him.  I desire to be like Christ and show Him through my life to my girls.

I pray three things for my girls every day:  1.  They give their lives to Christ.  2.  They are called into full-time ministry.  3.  They marry men who love Christ and His Church and not settle.  I must set the bar high for them by living the life of the type of man they should marry.  One who values them over work.  One who values them over prestige.  One who values them over power and money.  One who looks and loves like Jesus.  I'm not perfect in this and have to say no and know when enough work is enough.  But I'm trying.

After all life is done and finished I may say I pastored a great church and loved thousands of people.  I may say I have done and built great things and fulfilled many aspirations.  But the greatest thing I'll say is I was Stevie and daddy.

Discipling My Kids

God didn't give me kids so I would raise nice girls who make good grades, love cheerleading, and are social butterflies.  I have to say proudly that they are all of these.  I don't want to raise nice girls.  I want to disciple young women who look like Christ and will do great things for Him.  That's it.  Cute hair bows and pink and purple rooms aside, I must raise girls who look like Jesus and not just blend in the crowd of 7 and 4 year olds out there.

I want girls who will not just survive this crazy world but girls who will change it by invading it with the light of Christ.  So, how am I doing this?

About a month ago Kylee got up after the 2nd, no 10th time after being put to bed on a  school night.  It was a long weekend and it was getting late.  She asked, "Can you get me up early tomorrow so I can read the Bible and pray?"  "Good cover," I blurted out giving her props on not getting in trouble for getting up again.  She said she was serious.  I thought about that for a moment.  What would she read?  What would she pray?  Did she know how to study the Bible?  Sure, I have been helping them memorize scripture since they could talk but did she actually know how to get up and get in the Word? 

I asked her those same questions the next morning.  She said she didn't know where to start - imagine that?  A new believer in Christ who didn't know where to start studying or praying (can you pick up on my sarcasm?).  She needed to be discipled.  Who was going to do it?  Me!  I had prepared a short Bible study on true beauty the night before.  I thought about what a 7 year old girl should know.  After a week on faith, compassion, beauty, etc. I let her start picking the topic.  She picked worry, self-control, patience, love, and a host of other topics.  We have been studying the early ministry of Jesus this week - His fasting and temptation, His baptism, His meeting with Nicodemus, etc. 

Tonight, as I put her to bed, she said, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world!  I have a big warm bed, I had lots of yummy treats tonight from momma's party, and I have lots of cute things to wear (thanks to her mom's sense of style)."  Then she said, "Some little girls aren't as lucky as I am."  I agreed and said we would study how to be giving and help those in need tomorrow. 

So, I sponsored a 7 year old girl from ecquador named Melannie from Compassion International.  I want Kylee to experience giving and helping others that are less fortunate than she.  I printed out her picture, a map of where she lives (in relation to Arkansas) and her bio so Kylee could hang it on her wall and pray for her.  She'll correspond with this little girl several times a year till she's 18.  Wow!  Now that's cool.

I desire Kylee and Abby to change the world through the power of Christ working in them.  I want them to change the world around them before the world has a chance to change them.  I pray, as I have prayed before, they have a "boring" testimony (one without their lives falling apart - you know, one of those Christian horror stories).  I want to show them a life full of Christ that is not just great to come back to after you've strayed away but one that is worth never leaving in the first place.

God, help me to disciple my girls.  Teach me to be like You so they can see You in me.  Help them love you with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Transform them and renew their minds so they will know Your will and be your disciples.  If they are going to look like You, it is up to me and Haley to teach, model, and point them towards You.

Being A Parent - Making Disciples

I love being a dad!!!  I just spent the last two hours cooking and eating supper with my girls, giving Kylee a guitar lesson (she learned the E and A chords tonight), giving them piggy-back rides, playing hide-n-go-seek, "monster daddy", and playing/singing/dancing to a song Kylee and I wrote on the piano called "Daddy Robot".  I'm TIRED!!!  But what a great time.
As I sit here with Kylee and Abby, I think about my biggest goal in parenting (don't you have one?).


Here it is - making them into disciples of Jesus.  No, it is not good grades, scholarships to college, or to be successful and drug-free.  Those are nice but worthless in and of themselves.  I ask God every day three things for them - "God, raise up my girls to be the greatest women of God of their generation.  Secondly, help them to one day marry Godly men who love Jesus and His church.  And finally, protect them from the evil one.”

What do you pray for your children?  That their food is blessed?  That they have a good night sleep?  Not good enough!!!

Something else wrapped up in this discipleship of my children is this - I want to raise my kids to have a boring testimony.  What do I mean?  I want them to love Jesus and look like Him so much that they stear clear of trouble and all they have to say when someone asks about their testimony is "All I know is following Jesus."  Too audacious?  "Yeah right" you say?  Wishful thinking?  "Come on," someone might say - "that's setting them up for failure."

I know, I know.  Unless you've been drunk off your rear end most of your life, been in jail, divorced 5 times, and had near death experiences you can't have a powerful testimony.  WRONG!!!  Someone out there is thinking, "I can't wait till one day to tell him 'I told you so.'"  I know in the church we usually like the horror stories more than the ones where people always follow Christ.  I understand.  The stories with all the doom and gloom sound like more of a transformation and do connect with a huge crowd.  But what about wanting the best for my girls and wanting to see them follow Christ wholeheartedly every step of their lives?  I'm not saying they are perfect, sinless, or incapable of failure - I know better!!!  While the horror story testimonies are powerful, they also break my heart.  These stories bring me to tears.  But what if they were my kids telling them?  Wow!  Sure, God can take our mess and turn it into a ministry. He can take our mistakes and turn them into miracles but I think He actually likes our steadfast obedience better - this He can use as an opportunity to reach many for Him.  How?  It is a statement that screams "JESUS IS NOT JUST WORTH COMING BACK TO - HE IS WORTH NEVER LEAVING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!"
Why can't we raise kids who not just survive this cruel wicked world but actually thrive in it?  Why can't we raise modern day warriors for Christ?  Why not raise kids who are not influenced by the world but who influence the world?  I mean, who wouldn't want to raise kids that change the world instead of it changing them? 

I realize that I can't control my kid's choices but I sure can push them in the right direction.  They have free will like anyone else but I'm going to model and show them the goodness, grace, joy, and blessings of serving the Lord in such a great way that nothing else will compare.  They will be like Peter when he said, "Lord, where else would we go? You alone have the words of eternal life" (John 6:68).  When they compare what the world offers to what God offers the choice will be easy.  Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life!  My bible says that if I bring them up in the ways of the Lord, when they are older they will not depart from Him (Proverbs 22:6).  We will memorize and apply scripture together.  We will love being His church and being with His church.  We will confront sin.  We will obey His word.  We will love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength as the Harrison family.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!  I will lead them to the cross and we will never look back.
Now, trust me - their testimonies won't be boring. They will be full of the activity of God and His mighty grace and works!  Too much to ask for?  Not according to my Bible and my God.  He is capable of doing immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.  To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! (Ephesians 3:20-21).   This is true for all our kids - throughout all generations- even yours.  Start making them into disciples today.  Don't wait for someone else to do it for you - they are yours - entrusted to you.  Now that's one-on-one discipleship.  Now that's fun!  That's why we are parents.