Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Myths For Ending Your Marriage

Here are some common myths people use to end their marriages. I followed it with the truth and scripture:

Myth #1 - I have a right to be happy in my marriage and if I'm not happy, then I need to move on to someone who can make me happy.

Truth - Only God can truly make you happy and full of joy. Only Christ can meet your deepest needs. Only He can give you joy. Joy is different than happiness. Happiness is based on circumstances - if they are good, you are happy. If they are bad, you are unhappy. The Joy of the Lord is unwavering. Paul wrote Philippians while in jail in Rome. He used the word "joy" (rejoice and joyful) 16 times to show us how to be content no matter what the circumstances are. Also, obeying God and becoming more like Him brings you joy. If you are looking for someone else to make you happy, you'll be forever searching for the person that doesn't exist. Find your joy from the Lord.

Myth #2 - The person I'm married to isn't my soulmate. I need to find my soulmate.

Truth - If you are married, the person you are married to is your soul mate. Mark 10:7-9 says, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” A husband and wife are “united.” They are “one flesh” and “no longer two, but one." You are “joined together,” and God has made you "soul mates."

Myth #3 - I don't love my spouse anymore and want to find someone I really can love.

Truth - You probably don't love them like Christ loves them if you are feeling this way. True love is patient, kind, not arrogant, not rude, not easily angered, not self-seeking. True love keeps no records of wrong. It rejoices with the truth. It protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. True love never fails! (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Fake love is selfish, rude, unforgiving, arrogant, prideful, unkind, manipulative, angry and abusive. Are you loving your wife/husband like that or like 1 Corinthians 13? 1 John 4:8 - "God is love." Are you doing God-like acts toward your spouse? (i.e. forgiveness, patience, serving, devotion, prayer)

Myth #4 - We have "irreconcilable differences". That's grounds for divorce.

Truth - The only grounds for divorce for the Christian are adultery (Matthew 5:32, 19:9) and abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15) by an unbeliever. Still, reconciliation is to be sought and divorce is to be seen as a final resort. In an abusive situation, the wife (or husband) should definitely separate herself and the children from the abusive husband. But even in this kind of situation, a time of separation with the goal of repentance and restoration should be the goal. Remember this about irreconcilable differences - you are different from your spouse - that's not grounds for divorce. It's grounds for marriage! Men and women are different. Men and women think differently, communicate differently, and want different things from relationships. You are made to complement each other and need to find out the true Biblical roles of husbands and spouses. Your weaknesses are complemented by their strengths and your strengths complement their weaknesses. Plus, saying that there are things that are irreconcilable is saying that God isn't powerful enough to solve your problems. He can do anything! Your marriage isn't too far gone for God to solve!

Myth #5 - I married the wrong person.

Truth - Yes, this is possible. Perhaps you made the decision to marry this person out of disobedience or lack of close fellowship with God. Maybe He was saying "NO", not to marry someone whom He did not desire you to marry. Even if a marriage was not God’s desire and He was saying "No, No, No," the moment you said "Yes" He said "Yes". It is still within His sovereign will and plan. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and “marrying the wrong person” is never presented in the Bible as grounds for divorce.

A good marriage is not about marrying the right person. It is about doing the right things - doing what God says you should do to be Christ-like. It is about growing individually in Him - letting God pour into your life and then letting that overflow onto your spouse.

Let me put it another way - hopefully one you'll remember. Proverbs 14:4 says, "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox."

Marriage is like the ox - strong, great, and productive. But remember this - if you are going to have an ox (marriage), then you will have ox poop (problems)! There is no such thing as a "poop-free marriage." Most couples don't think they are going to have poop in their marriage. When they find things that "stink" in their marriage, they think they married the wrong person or they fell out of love, etc. You don't throw out the ox (marriage) because of it's poop (problems). You scoop it up. You put it in it's place. You avoid walking in it. You get rid of the poop, not the ox!

Don't bail on your marriage just yet. Let God work on you first. Don't point out the shortcomings of your spouse. Ask God to change you first.

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